


What Suzanne Knew

by AachCrivens



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Christianity, Coming Out, Gen, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Religion, Supportive Parent, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29249757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AachCrivens/pseuds/AachCrivens
Summary: When Suzanne Bittle finds her son's vlog, her curiosity gets the better of her. She soon finds out more about her son than he wanted her to, and she has to come to terms with her own prejudices and those of her community.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle & Suzanne Bittle, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 1
Kudos: 109





	What Suzanne Knew

**Author's Note:**

> tw for homophobia, specifically religion-based

Suzanne found Eric’s YouTube channel the summer before he went to college. She was about to knock on his door to ask if he had any whites he wanted to add to the load she was washing when she heard him talking about the sour cream layered cheesecake they had made together last weekend. Wanting to respect his privacy, she moved on down the hallway to the laundry room. Later that afternoon, curiosity overcame her and she looked him up online. It took some searching, but she found a baking channel hosted by a certain cute blonde boy. She pulled up the first video, where he discussed a new peach cobbler he was making as well as the results of the junior skating championships. She smiled at the memory of watching him put his everything into his sport over the years, first in figure skating and now in hockey. The next few videos seemed to be about everything from pecan pie recipes to the hockey team to Eric’s favorite teachers. It was clear that this channel was not just a cooking channel, but it was Eric’s place to express himself. He hadn’t told her about the channel, so she didn’t want to bring it up and make him feel like he couldn’t have that safe space. She promised herself that she wouldn’t look at it again unless he asked her to, and closed her laptop. 

She kept that promise for half of Eric’s first semester before she broke down and pulled up his channel. She had never been away from him for more than 3 weeks for summer camp every year, and the separation was getting to her. She pressed play on one of the most recent videos, and laughed at his account of the misadventures he had in the hockey house, which reminded her that she needed to send him the cookie cutters he had left at home so he could make good use of the new kitchen. When she watched him talk about how hard it was to adjust to the new mechanics of college hockey, she sent up a quick prayer for him. She knew he would be just fine, but that it would be rough in the meantime. In another video he talked about how his new captain, Jack, was helping him overcome his fear of checking. Eric seemed to be resentful of him, but she had a feeling Jack was going to be good for him. 

A couple of weeks before he was coming home for Christmas Eric posted a new video. He opened with how his desire to go to Samwell came from its reputation as an LGBTQ friendly college. Suzanne had to pause the video then, taken aback. He told her that he wanted to go there because of their strong academics and great hockey team. She didn’t even know that Eric identified as anything other than straight. He had always taken girls to homecomings and proms, so she never had any idea. It was going to take her a while to reconcile this new information with what she knew about her son. She hesitantly restarted the video. He talked about how he felt like he couldn’t be himself at home, and her heart broke. She knew that the South wasn’t a very accepting place, but she tried to think what had made him feel like he couldn’t be open with her. Christians weren’t known to be affirming for LGBT people, but she considered herself to be a pretty tolerant person. She was still uncertain about what she thought the biblical view of homosexuality was, but she would always love her son, no matter what. But thinking back, even the last time she saw him, she had asked him if he had met any pretty girls yet at college. Growing up, she had always talked to him about dating and crushes concerning girls, never assuming that he would want anything different. She had to make sure he knew how loved he was, and vowed to spend as much quality time with him as she could when he came home for break. 

Suzanne was so scared for Eric when he got injured at the end of the year. Though her first priority was to keep him safe, she had to bite back the pleas for him to quit playing hockey. He was an adult, and she supported his choice to persevere. The protectiveness she felt as a mother could only go so far and she contented herself knowing she had raised him to make good decisions. 

Suzanne wrapped Eric in a tight hug as soon as his father brought him home from the airport. She had so much she wanted to ask him, about his friends, his classes, his hockey season. She steered clear of any discussion of his dating life, as she figured he would tell her about that when he was ready. She told him all about Aunt Judy and the jam wars, and they planned on making a maple apple pie the next morning. 

The next Sunday after church she approached the head pastor and asked to speak with him privately. Without giving too much away, she probed him about their church’s official stance on homosexuality and how they would respond to a gay congregant coming out. He told her that they tried to not put too much focus on that topic, given its controversy in the Baptist church community, but that they would never have a sermon where they spoke negatively about it. She knew this was certainly true in the past, she couldn’t remember a time when it was brought up in a sermon. However, a few weeks later there was a guest speaker that came to give a Sunday sermon. He talked about the sin of adultery, and Suzanne thought of how thankful she was to have a husband who had always been nothing but faithful to her. The speaker then moved on to talk about other sexual sins: lust, premarital relations, and finally homosexuality. He spoke with fire in his eyes about how “the gays” were predators who would turn their children queer and lead them to lose their faith. She glanced at Eric and saw that his eyes had grown wide and his face had fallen. She wanted to hold his hand and tell him that not everyone saw him that way, and that she never would. But that would out him to the gossipy members of the congregation, so she sat still and simmered on how angry she was that the church she loved could preach such hate. The next morning when Eric came down for breakfast, she saw that his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. She wanted to say something, but she just didn’t have the words. 

She watched his new videos every time he uploaded them, wanting to make sure that he was going to be okay. After she saw how distraught he was at the possibility of losing his spot on the team, she sent him a care package full of his favorite peanut butter chocolate chip cookies to cheer him up. In his following videos he seemed to talk about Jack more and more, and Suzanne wondered if he had a crush, and hoped that Jack would reciprocate. Later on, when he said “never fall for a straight boy,” she felt his sadness as if it was her own. This didn’t stop him from continuing to talk about Jack, his face glowing every time Eric mentioned his name. So of course, she had to invite Jack to come visit during the summer. Maybe she could be accused of meddling, but she wanted to see her son be happy. She watched his first video he made after he started the fall semester, and he mentioned that he had started seeing someone. She would have called to tell him how happy she was for him, but since he hadn’t told her directly, she didn’t want to reveal she had been snooping on him. 

Suzanne and her sister Judy, as well as a few other women from their church had a bible study group every Tuesday night. They were working their way through the new testament and had made it to Romans. Suzanne had been privately dreading reaching this book because she knew it contained some of the “trump verses” other Christians used to preach hate about LGBT people. By this point, she had done some digging into what the bible really said about being gay, and had found that the translations to English didn’t include any reference to homosexuality until rather recent history. She found blog articles written by Jewish people who studied the original Hebrew and found that the bible didn’t actually condemn gay people at all. After the study group had finished talking about how everyone’s week had gone and exchanged new recipes, they opened their bibles and read the first chapter of Romans. Suzanne finally got to talk about her research, that the translators had gotten those verses wrong and the bible didn’t actually have anything bad to say about being gay. Judy side-eyed her and said, 

“That may very well be, but I’m glad neither of my boys chose that lifestyle. I couldn’t imagine having to tell people my boy was ‘like that’.” 

Her tone made Suzanne’s blood boil, but she couldn’t just come out and say “I love my gay son!” It was Eric’s choice when he came out and to whom. Instead, she tried to calm herself and explain, 

“The only thing that keeps you from being accepting is your own prejudice. Someone you love could be gay, but they’d never be able to tell you because you insist on being hateful!” 

The other women noticed the tension in the room and one of them suggested that bible study should be finished for the day. Judy glared daggers at Suzanne on her way out, and she knew that this battle wasn’t over yet. 

Suzanne turned on the TV to watch the Falconers last game of the season. She had made pigs in a blanket and a blackberry cobbler for the occasion. Her husband was absorbed in the sport, commenting to her how good the odds were on the Falconers winning. After the final goal, she went to the kitchen to bring back the celebratory cobbler and when she came back into the living room, she saw to her surprise Eric kissing Jack. Her husband had gone slack-jawed and couldn’t move his eyes from the screen, and Suzanne knew she had to call Eric right away to make sure he knew that this didn’t change anything about the way she and his father loved him. She called him several times over the next few hours but couldn’t get through. She went to bed sad at the thought of him not trusting that she would accept him. 

She was elated to see her phone’s screen light up the next morning with an incoming call. She had to say hello a couple of times before she heard him, voice wavering, say, 

“Hi mama.” 

“Honey, all I want you to know is that I love you. Nothing could ever change that. I’m so happy for you and Jack. You know I already love him, and he’s welcome to come to our home any time, as your partner.” 

“I love you too, mama,” his voice going watery, “What did daddy say?” 

“You know he loves you too, right? He’s just a little surprised right now. Give him some time. We both only want you to be happy.” 

Two years from then, Suzanne sits in the front row next to her husband, wearing the new orange dress she bought for the occasion. Earlier that morning she had helped set out all the chairs in the green grass of the meadow where Eric told her he watched the fourth of July fireworks with Jack that first summer he had come to Madison. Tears in her eyes, she watched Jack and Eric exchanging vows, and then rings. She clapped when they kissed and then walked back down the aisle hand in hand. Later, under the fairy lights that had been strung up over the dance floor, she and Eric had their mother-son dance. She wanted to let him know she had always been supporting him from the first video she watched where he talked about his sexuality, but that could wait. Now she just held his hand tightly in hers, trying to convey how much she loved him and how excited she was to see his future.


End file.
